


Against Fate

by Nyxako



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, POV Haruno Sakura, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-24 23:45:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14964521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyxako/pseuds/Nyxako
Summary: In a world where everyone remembers how they died in their past life, where their soulmate bears the mark of their death, what happens when Sakura begins to fall for someone who she’s almost completely sure isn’t her soulmate? Will she give up on them, or will she follow her heart and go against fate? [KakaSaku]





	Against Fate

**Author's Note:**

> There’s a theory that says that a person's birthmark shows how they died in their last life, and this concept plays with that idea but makes it so that their soulmate has the mark instead.
> 
> This fic was written for KakaSakuMonth2018. Also please be aware that the M rating is for violence - there is no smut, but I'll probably write another piece to this fic later with it.

*****

_She was surrounded._

_Her feet pounded against the forest floor, sweat clinging to her skin while she ran as far north as she possibly could. She ducked to the left, dodging the kunai that came flying her way. Her team was only thirty minute’s run away; she just had to survive long enough to meet up with them._

_Out of the corner of her right eye, she noticed a body dart toward her and she quickly dodged, only having a moment to process what was going on as the enemy to her left grabbed her by the leg and threw her across the small clearing. Somehow, she managed to concentrate long enough to form a protective chakra layer over her spine just in time before her back slammed into a tree. Her vision went black and when she opened her eyes, she could see nothing but stars._

_She gasped in a harsh breath, not knowing when it was that she had stopped breathing, and her vision cleared up to a dull blur. She looked around desperately, eyes wide with panic as they settled in on the form moving toward her. She moved out of the way just a second too late, hissing through gritted teeth as the katana sliced into her side. Blood began oozing down to her hip, seeping through her shirt and sliding down her skin as she darted further away from her enemies, drawing the tanto from her back._

_Three enemies appeared in front of her, bringing her escape to a halt. She quickly backed herself against a tree, knowing that she wouldn't be able to stand on her own much longer. The wound on her side was much deeper than she'd initially thought and the dizziness from blood loss was beginning to set in. A few beads of sweat began trickling down her neck as she tried her best to remain calm, the voice of her Sensei screaming at her in her mind that panic would only cause her to bleed out faster. He'd beaten that knowledge into all of them after a few close calls, and right now she was more grateful for it than she ever thought she would be._

_Her eyes darted around, studying her surroundings as well as she could through hazy vision. There were five enemies in front of her, and at least double that number hiding in the forest around her. She was trapped. Escape was no longer an option._

_This was where she would die._

_But that didn't mean her team had to die with her._

_Quickly, she ran her fingers against the open wound on her side, swallowing the pain down as she formed the necessary hand seals at lightning fast speed, dropping to the ground and slamming her palm into the dirt. Her Japanese marten summon appeared with a pop, its white face peering up at her curiously._

_"Mio," She choked out, her breath hitching in her throat as she realized that this would be the last request she ever made. "I need you to go get my team. They're in a camp just north of here. Seek out Toshiro, he'll know what to do."_

_Her summon made a sound of acknowledgement before running off, it's orange fur flying into the dark night like a beacon of hope until it gradually faded with distance. She sighed, hunching over slightly as she quickly took in the enemies around her. They were circling slowly, glancing at each other every so often to communicate whatever plans they had for her._

_She took this moment where they were still hesitating to act and breathed in deeply, trying to calm her nerves even as the sweat began to drip more freely and her head began to ache. She was losing too much blood, but she knew that this was the time to swallow her pain and take out as many of them as she could before her team arrived._

_Just then, a shuriken came flying toward her. She rolled to the side in time to avoid it, the wound on her side screaming as she then lunged forward, gripping her tanto firmly and slashing the back of the closest enemies knees. They fell screaming just as another body flew toward her. She had a split second to react, managing to duck quickly enough that their blade barely caught her shoulder as she shoved her own into their stomach. Screams filled the air as she pulled the tanto back and tilted it upward toward their heart, shoving it deeper until they fell silent._

_A sudden wave of dizziness hit her all at once, forcing her to step back until she was pressed against a tree once more. She tried to breathe in deeply to calm herself down, but her breathing refused to be anything but quick and shallow. She could feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest, even as the pounding turned faint._

_Her head lifted slowly as she heard a sound from in front of her, watching as another enemy barreled toward her. It seemed like he was running in slow motion, yet she couldn't bring herself to move her body out of the way. The exhaustion was eating away at her, and no matter how desperately she urged her body to dodge, her limbs stayed exactly where they were until he was suddenly in front of her._

_A scream forced itself from her lips as something solid slammed into the open wound on her side, the burst of pain roaring through her entire body as she fell to the ground. Her fingers reached out, desperate to feel any sensation besides the burning torment coursing through her. They glided over the grass and leaves until they found something hard and silky. She forced her eyes open just enough to make out the braided handle of the blade that the person she'd killed moments ago had dropped._

_Her teeth ground together as she managed to pull her body to a standing position. Her knees wobbled beneath her and she felt herself begin to sway, but there was no way that she could give up so easily. She turned toward the enemy that had hit her side and launched herself forward, screaming through the pain as she held the blade toward them, aiming straight for the heart._

_"That's cute," The enemy said, a man by the sound of his voice, as he reached out and grabbed her wrist. Her determined scream became a shriek of pain as he crushed her wrist beneath his fingers hard enough that she swore she heard bones snap. Her fingers dropped the blade and he laughed, spinning her around and pulling her back against his chest. Her head pulsed as she felt her body lose its strength, a small whimper escaping her lips as he dug his fingers into the wound on her side._

_She slowly lifted her eyes and turned her head, her heart faltering at the rotted grin that was spread across his lips. She felt movement and then suddenly her brain managed to catch up with the pain that had spread across her neck. Out of the corner of her eyes, she noticed a silver blade sliding itself from her throat, up and over her jaw. Her heartbeat sped up as she felt the blood begin to spill down her neck._

_The man behind her laughed cruelly, but it felt distant, as if he were across the forest instead of right behind her. Everything felt as if it was shrouded in a hazy mist, and she knew that she didn't have long left. Maybe she could have survived the wound on her side if her team came to rescue her in time, but the blade across her neck had sealed her fate. She was dying._

_The stubborn determination she had earlier to kill as many enemies as she could kicked in suddenly, the fingers of her working hand reaching behind her to grab her last weapon, a small aikuchi blade that she always saved for desperate situations. The man continued laughing as the blood flowed down her neck in a steady stream, clearly feeling confident that she could no longer fight back._

_With every last ounce of energy left in her body, she plunged the blade straight through his heart, pushing in with her good hand and the forearm attached to the broken wrist on the handle to make sure the point hit its mark._

_She watched his eyes widen in surprise and found herself unable to feel the pain any longer. Everything was numb, and though she couldn't feel it, she knew that there was probably some semblance of a smile plastered across her lips. She stepped back until she fell against a tree, sliding down it as she watched the man across from her collapse to his knees. The pounding in her head grew more intense as she began to feel her body go cold._

_The man coughed, and she somehow managed to make out the sound of blood spraying from his lips through the sounds of the forest. Somewhere in the distance, she felt like she heard her teammates calling her name, but it barely registered as her consciousness faded into nothing._

*****

Sakura woke up, gasping for breath. Her body jolted into a sitting position as her eyes burst open, and for a long moment her vision was black as the sounds of the forest surrounded her. Her heart beat frantically in her chest as her fingers trembled where they touched the grass and dirt beneath them. The pain was coursing through her, searing her neck and side as if a million pins and needles had been lit on fire. 

"Sakura-chan!"

A body flung itself at her, wrapping strong arms around her shoulders tightly, keeping her held in place even as she struggled. All she could see was the darkness of the forest, and the panic bubbled furiously beneath the surface as she gasped. No, no, no. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to die.

A scream tore itself through her throat and her eyes slammed shut as her fists pounded against the body keeping her trapped. They didn't relent or back off, and the arms around her just held her tighter as they moved closer. She breathed in, and the smell of ramen broth and sunshine registered instantly in her mind, calming her down just enough that she was able to think again. Her screams halted as she pressed her face further into the body in front of her, inhaling the familiar scent that reminded her so much of safety and comfort.

Slowly, Sakura opened her eyes as she unclenched her shaking fists. All she could see was a patch of tan skin and wisps of blonde hair, and that was all she needed to realize that she was in the present, not the past.

"Naruto...?"

He squeezed tighter, and it was then that Sakura realized that he was petting down the back of her hair in the same way he always did when she was upset. She breathed in again, inhaling his scent as she felt the hand running down her head and let herself relax until all that was left of her panic was the trembling of her hands. 

"Shh, it's okay Sakura-chan. It was just a dream."

Sakura let her mind recall the dream and remembered the feeling of being chased. She remembered the ache in her muscles as she fought, and the feel of the blades sliding harshly against her neck and side. She shuddered and lifted her hands to wrap around Naruto's waist, pulling him closer.

"It felt so real, Naruto."

"I know. They always do."

Sakura sighed, her breath shaky as she opened her mouth to ask why she never saw him panic like that after waking up from a dream of how his past life died. When she pulled back and lifted her eyes to his though, she saw something in them that made her stop the question before it left her lips. There was something sad and broken hidden in those normally cheerful blue eyes, and she realized that his dreams were probably equally horrible, even if he never talked about them. She offered him a shaky smile before lifting her hands to heal the bruises that had begun forming from her punches when he'd kept her in place. When they finally reached Suna, she would have to treat him to some delicious food to make up for hurting him.

Just then, Sai entered the small clearing, his eyes glancing around before settling on where Naruto and Sakura were still seated on her sleeping bag. She finished healing the last bruise and then glanced up, noticing the worry that lingered behind Sai's otherwise emotionless eyes.

"Everything's okay," she said quietly, plastering a smile onto her lips that she hoped was convincing enough. Sai merely watched her for a moment before shaking his head with disappointment as he headed to the other side of the clearing where Kakashi rested. 

"I thought you told me that I shouldn't smile if I didn't mean it."

Sakura winced, feeling his words pierce her as if he'd struck her physically. He was right of course; she had always told him those exact words. She just wasn’t very good at following her own advice.

The sound of a sleeping bag rustling brought her eyes up to where Sai stood beside Kakashi, who had already risen from his sleeping bag and armed himself in the short span of time that she'd been thinking about Sai's words. Kakashi grabbed his backpack from the ground and turned to her, motioning with his head to let her know that it was time to go before he darted off into the trees.

Sakura sighed, crawling the rest of the way out of her sleeping bag and grabbing her weapons as she stood. She slid her sheathed aikuchi blade into the waistband of her pants before attaching her shuriken pouch to her leg. She threw on her flak jacket and shoes and prepared to head out.

A loud yawn brought her attention back to Naruto, who had finished crawling into her sleeping bag and was getting himself situated, grabbing his extra pillow and burying himself until only his face was visible. Sakura found herself thinking that he looked a little bit like a caterpillar. 

Almost anyone else would have just let her scream until she realized where she was, and on the off chance that they’d try to wake her up, they would have at least gotten angry about all of the bruises. Naruto had put himself at risk to try and do the one thing that he thought would help her, the same way he always did, and he hadn’t blamed her once for punching him to try and escape. Sakura smiled, unbelievably grateful for her best friend, not for the first time in her life. She mouthed a small ' _Thank you_ ' in his direction, which he quickly responded to with a giant grin and a small nod of his head.

Sakura grabbed her backpack and threw it over her shoulders before pushing some chakra into her feet and heading to where she was supposed to meet Kakashi. She found him seated high up in a tree near the edge of the perimeter, his nose buried in one of his ever-present orange books. She ran up the trunk and settled herself on a branch of the same tree, just below him and slightly to the side so that they could communicate wordlessly if needed. 

Sakura reached into her backpack, digging through it until she found her bag of dried meats. It wasn't the best thing to eat late at night by any means, but it would have to do. She lifted the bag toward Kakashi, shrugging when he shook his head to reject her offer. 

She chewed idly at her rations, trying to force her mind to think about anything other than the dream she'd just had, but it was proving to be nearly impossible. The memory was still so vivid, the image of the rotted grin of the last man flashing across her mind and making her shudder automatically in response. The side of her neck and the lower part of her jaw still burned slightly where she had felt the blade slide through her skin, the same way it always did after she had that dream. 

Her eyes drifted up to where Kakashi sat, noticing that his demeanor was as calm as ever. He had never shown any signs of having nightmares in the ten years they'd been going on missions together and as far as she knew, he had never been in a relationship with anyone either.

_Is his soulmate dead? Or does he just not know who they are?_

Sakura watched as Kakashi glanced down, his eyes narrowed curiously and head tilted to the side as if he were studying her. She mirrored his curiosity with her own confused stare as she fought back a yawn. Normally, he never took his eyes off of his books when they patrolled together, and it wasn’t until he opened his mouth to speak that she realized why he was looking at her so strangely. She had spoken out loud. Shit.

"I'm sorry," Sakura began quickly, shifting her eyes to her bag of rations before closing it and tossing it back into her backpack. "I didn’t mean to say that out loud, so you don't have to say anything. I didn’t mean to pry into your personal life."

Kakashi hummed to himself for a moment before going silent. After waiting for a few minutes Sakura cautiously glanced up, only to find his eyes were back on the pages of his book. She knew that she had told him he didn't need to say anything, and she honestly hadn't expected him to answer such a personal question, but she couldn't help but be curious. So many things about him were a mystery, right down to what he looked like. She trusted him more than almost anyone else in the world and they had always been able to easily communicate without saying a word, but she had realized some time ago that she really knew nothing about him.

"She's alive," Kakashi said suddenly, his voice so quiet that Sakura had almost thought she'd imagined it. Then he closed his book and finally looked back toward her with a serious expression in his eyes, and she knew that she had actually heard it. "I also know who she is."

Sakura instantly perked up at the new information, shifting her body until her legs were dangling off the side of the tree branch so that she could face him properly, and found herself unable to keep the grin off of her lips. In the span of thirty seconds, she'd found out more about his personal life than she had in the last ten years. Excitement coursed through her, sending a wave of tingles running down her arms. 

"Why aren't you together then?" Sakura asked. Now that he had shown himself as willing to answer some of her questions, she was having trouble fighting off the rest of them. The withering glare he shot her after the first one made her pause for a moment to wonder if it was worth risking her well being to ask anything else. The answer was: Of course it was. "Is she from another village or something? Because Shikamaru and Temari figured out a way to make it work. I mean, unless you _are_ together and you've just never told any of us, which is pretty mean. We've known each other for ten years, Kakashi. I consider you my friend, not just a teammate or an old teacher. Oh, not that I'm saying you're old or anything-"

"Please stop," Kakashi groaned. Sakura immediately shut her mouth, fighting against the questions that felt like they were caught in her throat.

"Fine," Sakura grumbled, swinging her legs back onto her branch and clicking her tongue in annoyance. She knew she was being childish, and she would apologize tomorrow, but it sucked to have her excitement squashed like a bug.

It was so rare for Kakashi to talk about himself, and she knew that she had immediately latched on to the brief glimpse into his life more than she probably should have. He was one of the most private people she had ever known, and she knew logically that she should have just been grateful for what he'd offered, but she found it difficult to not be greedy when it came to information about him. Ino had always told her that her curiosity would kill her one day, and Sakura couldn't help but feel that maybe she was right.

"If you tell anyone, I will string you up in the Forest of Death and leave you there," Kakashi began. Sakura felt a breath catch in her throat as she listened intently. Kakashi paused, likely for dramatic effect, before continuing as if he hadn't just threatened her life. "I'm offering information for your silence on everything that's said tonight, including what I already revealed, and for the promise that you will never ask about this again. I would also like all conversation to cease after this so I can read in peace. Agreed?"

Sakura didn't even have to think about it and almost immediately nodded her head in agreement. She knew that if she never learned the information that was being dangled on a string in front of her, she would regret it for the rest of her life. A smile broke over her lips as Kakashi heaved a heavy sigh, as if this was the most uncomfortable thing he'd ever experienced. For someone as private as him, though, it likely could be.

"She's from Konoha, and I've never told her. She has no idea." Kakashi paused, his chin tilting up as he shifted his gaze to the tree branches and the sky above his head. "I don't plan on telling her, either. I don't like the idea of fate, and I refuse to let my feelings be decided for me... Ah, but that doesn't mean I'm in a relationship with anyone, because I'm not. I believe those were all of your questions, so that's it. The end."

Sakura mulled over his words and watched as Kakashi opened his book again, hiding his face behind it. She had to fight her natural instinct to ask more questions to the point that it almost physically hurt to keep quiet. She drew her knees up to her chest, one arm wrapping around her legs as the other gently touched the soul mark on her shoulder. It was still hot to the touch, letting her know that somewhere out there, her soulmate was still alive. Whether or not she would ever find them was another thing altogether.

She had always been excited by the idea of having a soulmate, someone who was meant to complete her, who would fit perfectly with her and make her happier than she could ever imagine. A lot of people gave up on finding their soulmate by the time they reached her age, but even at twenty-two she still held onto the small glimmer of hope of knowing that they were alive. And yet....

_"I don't like the idea of fate, and I refuse to let my feelings be decided for me."_

Sakura smiled as she repeated those words to herself silently, allowing them to sink deeper into her mind. She had always been so sure that finding her soulmate would be the best option, but maybe finding someone to love on her own without any kind of divine interference would end up making her happier than she would be if she waited around for someone who she wasn't guaranteed to ever meet. 

Maybe soulmates really weren't all they were cracked up to be.

*****

"Hey, Sakura-chan, do you think that's him?"

Sakura let her eyes follow Naruto's finger, her eyebrows drawn together in confusion until she saw what he was pointing at. On the other side of the small restaurant was a tall, burly man with shaggy brown hair. He was leaning against the bar talking casually with the woman behind it and smiling at her gently with dimpled cheeks. Sakura wondered why Naruto had pointed him out, until she noticed the large soul mark that stretched straight across the front of his neck.

"That's not him," Sakura whispered between clenched teeth as she reached out and quickly pulled Naruto's arm down before someone realized he'd been pointing randomly at another patron. "The mark is in the wrong spot."

"But I thought you said your mark would be on their neck!" Naruto whined, then stuffed a tempura shrimp into his mouth. 

"On the _side_ of their neck, Naruto. It would extend up to the jaw, too."

"I don't think a man like that would have died from such a small scratch, anyway. The mark on your shoulder is so... tiny," Sai remarked from across the table, ducking casually to avoid the chopstick that was thrown at his head as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Yeah I mean, who actually goes and dies from a wound like that?"

Sakura pulled her arm down and reached out, pinching Naruto's side just hard enough to make sure it bruised. He yelped loudly, waving his chopsticks in her face as he sputtered through the pain, which just caused him to get pinched again when some shrimp flew from his mouth.

"You're making a fool of yourself, Dickless."

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?!"

Sakura sighed, letting herself tune out the boys as she grabbed a piece of grilled meat from the center of the table, popping it into her mouth as her mind began to wander. She hated to admit it, but they had a point. Her soulmate's mark was rather small and definitely didn't seem like anything that would actually cause someone to _die_. It sat on her right shoulder, thin and light as if the cut itself hadn't scratched very far beneath the surface. 

"Maybe the blade was poisoned."

It took a few seconds for the words to sink in, but when they did Sakura found her eyes shifting over to where Kakashi sat. His food was already gone and he'd pulled out the same copy of Icha Icha from last night, likely to pass the time until everyone else had finished eating and they could continue their trek to Suna. He had an air of nonchalance about him like he always did, and yet there was something different.

Everything about Kakashi was the same as it would be on any other day, except for his eyes. Instead of being lazily focused on the pages in front of him like normal, they were staring directly at her with an unreadable expression hidden in their stormy grey depths. There was an intensity in that look that she had never seen before.

Sakura stared at him for a long moment before turning away, instead choosing to watch Naruto and Sai who had yet to notice anything but their own squabbling. It took more effort than she wanted to admit to not turn her head back around and continue to try and read Kakashi's expression. There was a fluttering feeling somewhere in the pit of her stomach and a blush on her cheeks that she couldn't explain...

No, that was a lie; she _could_ explain it, she just didn't want to. Without realizing it, she lifted her left hand to touch the mark on her shoulder, feeling the warmth beneath her fingers and breathing a sigh of relief as her body relaxed. She whispered a silent apology to whoever her soulmate was for letting herself react like that to someone else, and for letting herself become swayed by his words the night before.

*****

"So, that toxin I told you about? It makes it so that sodium ions can flow into the outer membrane of nerve and muscle cells and blocks the nerve signals that normally make muscles relax so they stay permanently contracted. It can affect some cells in the heart, and we noticed some heart arrhythmia and fibrillation, and eventually the people affected suffered from cardiac failure."

"And you say this can take immediate effect if it goes deep enough into the skin?"

Sakura watched as Kankuro nodded excitedly, a wide grin spread across his lips as he continued down the long and empty hallway. Anyone else would have probably been more than a little creeped out at the gleam in his eyes as he talked about people dying, but she was used to it by now. She'd worked with Kankuro more times than she could count since the war ended, and they'd developed several antidotes for various poisons together. They'd started it under the guise of improving their village's relations even further, but in reality it was just something that they both enjoyed doing.

Kankuro took a sharp right at the end of the hallway, walking straight ahead toward the dead end. Just before they reached the wall, he raised one hand into the air and shot a few chakra strings toward the ceiling, pressing onto specific points that in turn activated a mechanism hidden in the walls and opened the dead end to reveal a set of stairs that led down into his personal poisons research lab. 

The temperature around them dropped as they descended further into the lab, causing a shiver to run up Sakura's spine. They passed the lab full airborne poisons and she breathed a sigh of relief once it was behind them. The last time she'd worked with Kankuro on a poison in that lab, she'd almost died when her respirator had decided to come loose. 

Kankuro seemed to notice her relief because he turned back around and offered her an apologetic smile before opening the door leading them into the room for contact poisons. He tossed her a pair of thick gloves that she immediately put on and went to stand beside one of the many small beakers sitting out on the table in the center of the room, gesturing vaguely with his hands toward it.

"Is it safe to touch it with my chakra?"

Sakura watched as Kankuro nodded his head in response before hesitantly placing her gloved hands above the beaker, sending her chakra toward the poison. Her brows furrowed with concentration as she felt it move within her chakra, trying to read the chemical structure of it. 

"Where did you find something like this?" Sakura asked as she pulled her hands away. It was impressive to say the least, and she wasn't sure if she'd ever seen anything like it.

"A newly discovered breed of frog that we found near Yumegakure," Kankuro replied easily as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table as he watched her with a smug expression. Sakura scowled playfully; she wished she'd been the one to discover the poison, and he knew it. "We're pretty close to figuring out an antidote that might help slow it down if the wound is shallow, but so far it doesn't seem like there's any way to stop it completely besides extracting it with chakra. Even with that method, there's a chance it won't work if they aren't helped quickly enough."

Sakura hummed thoughtfully as she eyed the poison one more time before drawing back her chakra and pushing the beaker toward Kankuro, taking her gloves off and dropping them on the table. She was going to be in Suna for two weeks at least, so she could take her time to study it later when she wasn't so tired from traveling. 

Kankuro reached forward and grabbed the beaker, taking it to the other end of the room and placing it onto a shelf cautiously. Sakura watched him move about the room, smiling softly to herself. Over the years they'd become good friends, to the point that he never bothered wearing his usual purple makeup around her anymore. When he turned around to face her again Sakura's eyes immediately darted down to the soul mark on his chin (a small and dark mark as if his soulmate's jaw had been jabbed backward hard enough to snap their spine) and found her smile turning almost sad.

"How are things?" Sakura asked as she willed her eyes to move away from his soul mark. She noticed the confused expression on his face and lifted her hand to gesture toward her own chin lazily. "I meant how are things with your soulmate going? Is she good to you?"

At that, Kankuro's expression immediately brightened. It wasn't a shift in the same way that Naruto's entire being would practically light up, but there was a look in his eyes that definitely hadn't been there before.

"It's amazing. She’s amazing. It's like there's a connection there that I'd never felt before," Kankuro grinned, the edges of his smile pulling to one side in what would look like a smirk to anyone who didn't know him well. "You should really consider trying harder to find your soulmate. I know that I was always the first one to pass it off as stupid and unrealistic, but it's just as good as everyone says." 

Sakura laughed softly, shaking her head as she shifted her eyes to the table. She had spent years actively trying to find her soulmate, but it had proven to be a nearly impossible task despite how large and obvious her mark was.

"Did I ever tell you that when we first met, I thought you may have been my soulmate?" Sakura asked cautiously, not bothering to look up from the table. She knew that he would be confused; they'd been friends for years and she had never mentioned it before. "You were the first person I'd ever met who kept their neck hidden away, since you always wore that hood back in the day, and I thought you were hiding the rest of your soul mark with your face paint. When I saved you from Sasori's poison, I realized that I'd been mistaken."

Kankuro hummed thoughtfully from across the room before walking over to the table, leaning on it again and lowering his face until he was in Sakura's line of sight.

"So your soulmate's mark is on their neck and face?" Sakura nodded in response, shifting on her feet as she struggled not to let her discomfort show. Until now, she'd really only told her team and Ino about where the mark would be located. "Well, I'll be on the lookout for you, though I don't think I've seen anyone who hides their neck _and_ face constantly except for that old teacher of yours."

"It's not him," Sakura laughed, punching Kankuro lightly on the arm as she stood up straight and stretched her arms above her head to work out the kinks in her spine. "I mean, you said that there's a connection there that you don't have with anyone else, right? And you had that connection even before you knew they were your soulmate. That's something I don't have with Kakashi."

"If you say so," Kankuro chuckled, shaking his head as he began heading back out toward the hallway. Sakura followed him, vaguely listening to him as he began to ramble about his soulmate and how amazing she was, but Sakura's mind had wandered elsewhere.

She had said that it definitely wasn't Kakashi because she'd never felt that connection, but the more she thought about it, the more she doubted her own words. She thought back to the times where he'd seemingly read her mind and protected her even when she'd tried her hardest to fool everyone. For as long as she could remember, she'd been able to communicate with him without speaking in battle - something she'd had to actively work on with Sai and Naruto. She told herself that it was because Naruto was the type of person who was easily distracted, and Sai was hard to read in general. Kakashi had been a constant in her life for a decade and was usually calm and collected, so being able to silently communicate easily made sense for them. It didn't necessarily mean that they were connected like _that_.

Still, that didn't explain the way she had always felt drawn to him. It didn't explain how she could trust him so completely despite knowing almost nothing about him until a few nights ago, and it sure as hell didn't explain the way she'd reacted to his gaze the next day when he'd watched her so intently at the restaurant. 

Sakura's mind drifted to the way Kakashi had looked at her and felt the fluttering in her stomach rise again as images of those intense stormy grey eyes flooded her thoughts. She quickly squashed the feeling down and forced herself to focus on Kankuro's words as they began to ascend into the hallways outside of his personal lab.

There was absolutely no way that Kakashi was her soulmate. Nope, definitely impossible.

...right?

*****

Suna really was a beautiful village. Sure it wasn't beautiful in the traditional sense she had grown to associate with the lush trees and plant life of Konoha, but there was something to be said for the hazy and almost dreamy feeling that the sand drifting in the air caused. During the day the sun beat down on the village relentlessly, making everything glow with warmth. The night time however, was when Suna really came alive.

Sakura balanced on the back legs of her seat near the outdoor food stall, chewing on her takoyaki while her eyes lingered on the crowd around her. It seemed like most of Suna's residents tended to stay inside during the day to avoid the heat, but as soon as the sun went down more businesses opened and people slowly crawled into the streets to enjoy the cool breeze.

"So, how's your research going?"

Sakura turned back around to face the table she was currently seated at, her eyes landing on Shikamaru who was currently resting his elbows on the table and watching her with mild interest.

"It's going pretty well. We've gotten the serum to the point where it can stop the toxin from spreading for almost five minutes. With the week I have left here, I want to try and extend that to at least ten minutes. Unfortunately, I think it's going to be impossible to make an actual antidote in that time frame, but delaying the spread will allow whoever is infected more time to get it drawn out by a medic nin."

"I didn't know you were the type of woman to give up on making an antidote," Shikamaru smirked, dodging the fist that went flying toward him easily. Sakura smiled at him, cocking her head to the side before pulling away and sitting back down.

"Who said I'm giving up?" Sakura asked, clicking her tongue. "I'm taking some samples back to Konoha and I'm going to have my team of researchers working on it around the clock until we figure something out."

Shikamaru muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like 'stubborn women' but Sakura chose to ignore it when she noticed the fond smile that had appeared on his lips. She knew that the softness in that smile wasn't targeted toward her, but was instead the result of him thinking about Temari. When he'd revealed that she was his soulmate and that he was planning on pursuing a relationship with her, everyone had been surprised. He'd explained it by saying that it was too troublesome to fight against his fate and that he wanted the dreams to finally stop, which was only possible when someone was in a relationship with their soulmate. 

"Shikamaru! What are you doing here?!" Naruto yelled excitedly as he ran toward their table. Sai followed him calmly with what seemed like two bowls of ramen in his hands. 

Shikamaru replied with something about visiting family with Temari, but Sakura barely heard him as her eyes were suddenly drawn to a flash of silver in the street behind Naruto and Sai. Kakashi was walking past them, a cup in his hands and his eyes cast up at the sky. 

Sakura watched him for a moment that seemed to stretch on forever until he turned his head and let his eyes catch hers. Immediately, Sakura felt her heart leap into her throat and found herself unable to look away. And then, just as suddenly as he'd appeared to her, he'd jumped onto a rooftop and run away into the night. 

Somewhere to her right, Sakura heard what sounded like someone calling her name and she quickly snapped her attention to face Naruto, who was frowning at her in concern. She smiled weakly, shaking her head to push the thoughts out of her mind as she tried to focus again on the conversation going on around her. It was definitely a struggle though, and she found herself frequently wondering about her reaction to Kakashi and wondering where the hell it had come from.

Throughout the rest of the night, Sakura found herself occasionally gazing blankly at the space where Kakashi had disappeared. Every time she realized what she'd been doing, her fingers would reach up to absently touch her soul mark, but there was a hesitation in her actions that had never been there before. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that the hesitation was because of Kakashi’s words in the forest the week before, but it was something she wasn’t ready to admit. Not yet.

*****

Two Years Later

*****

"I want to give these people raises," Sakura stated, tossing the files of a few hospital employees onto the Hokage's desk, smiling softly at the groan that immediately left their lips. "I know we're already low on funds, but they always work in the emergency department, and they do it by _choice_. They should be properly compensated."

"Impossible," Kakashi grumbled, tossing the papers back to her as he rubbed his temples. "There's nowhere we can move funds from."

"Take it from my pay." Kakashi looked up at her then, an inquisitive eyebrow raised in her direction. She knew that she was already making less money than most of the doctors, but she hadn't taken the job of hospital director for the money. She had done it to help it run more efficiently so that they could save more lives. "I have money saved up from my missions. I'll be fine even if I take a pay cut."

Kakashi watched her for a long moment before sighing, one side of his mask pulling upward into a smile as he took the papers back and glanced through them. Sakura watched him closely, letting her eyes glance down to the slight protrusion where his lips were as a familiar fluttering rose in her chest.

Two years had passed since their trip to Suna. Kakashi had become Hokage and Sakura had taken over as the hospital director, which meant that she spent a lot of time in his office figuring out where to allocate the budget and also healing his headaches, which had become much more frequent with his current position. Over time she had found herself enjoying his company more and more, to the point that she'd starting coming by even without a reason. Sometimes she brought him food when she knew he'd be too busy to eat, and other times she just stopped by to chat over a cup of tea. 

At some point, Sakura had stopped touching her soul mark any time her feelings pulled her toward Kakashi. She found no point in it anymore; if her soulmate wasn't Kakashi, she no longer cared who it was. She had fallen for him, and she had fallen hard.

Kakashi glanced up from the papers in his hands and their eyes immediately locked, something that had become all too common nowadays. Sakura felt her heart beating rapidly in her chest and found herself unable to stop the smile that slowly spread across her cheeks. 

"Hey, Kakashi," Sakura began hesitantly, pulling her eyes away to instead look at the desk that was currently resting beneath her hands. "You know how a few years ago when we were traveling to Suna you told me that you didn't want your soul mark to define who you loved? That you wanted to find someone on your own?"

Sakura glanced up and watched as Kakashi blinked, his eyes widening in surprise for a moment before he nodded his head slowly. He dropped the papers back onto the desk and leaned back in his chair. Of course he was going to be surprised - Sakura hadn't mentioned that night or anything he'd said in the last two years.

"What would you do if you found someone you wanted to be with? Someone who wasn't your soulmate?"

Sakura fought the tremble in her hands as she tried to make her voice sound as calm as humanly possible. She watched his reaction, chewing on the inside of her lip nervously. He seemed relatively unphased as he sat back in his chair, arms crossed and eyes lifted to the ceiling in thought.

"If they weren't already in a relationship and I felt like they might reciprocate, I would probably ask them out," Kakashi replied easily as a smile tugged at the edges of his mask. "Why? Is there someone you're interested in?"

His tone of voice was teasing and playful as if he wasn't really interested, but there was an intensity in his eyes that made Sakura freeze. The disparity between his voice and his gaze was jarring and there was something in that look that made her think that he wanted to know the answer, but she’d already gathered every ounce of courage in her body to ask him those questions. 

Sakura cleared her throat, dropping her eyes back down to the desk as she reached out for the papers, her fingers desperate to fiddle with anything they could find. She ignored the bead of sweat that ran down the back of her neck and instead sifted through the pages until she found the one about reallocating some funds intended for reconstruction into ordering some supplies they were running low on.

She somehow managed to ask him about the funds, but couldn't quite bring herself to focus on the words that were running out of her mouth. She could practically feel his eyes piercing into the top of her skull as he watched her, studying her far more closely than she felt comfortable with. 

Finally, Kakashi sighed and seemed to give up on getting a proper answer from her as he replied to her inquiries. Sakura felt the breath of relief escape her lips, grateful that it didn't seem like he was going to press the issue. She kept her eyes focused on anything but Kakashi for the rest of the night as they went over the budgeting issues, forcing herself into business mode despite the nerves running rampant underneath her skin. She'd had two years to get used to her reaction to Kakashi, and she wouldn't let herself get in the way of business. She would tell him one day, when she was ready.

*****

_With every last ounce of energy left in her body, she plunged the blade straight through his heart, pushing in to make sure the point hit its mark._

_She stepped back until she fell against a tree, sliding down it as she watched the man across from her collapse to his knees. The pounding in her head grew more intense as she began to feel her body go cold. The man coughed, and she somehow managed to make out the sound of blood spraying from his lips._

_"--oko!"_

_She heard someone yelling in the distance and let her eyes rise slowly past the bodies laying on the ground until they settled on a man running toward her. His form was blurry, but somehow she knew who it was immediately._

_"To...shiro."_

_His body rushed toward her at an impossibly quick speed, and suddenly he was kneeling in front of her, gathering her into his arms. She tried to lift an arm to touch his face, but found herself unable to summon the energy. She could no longer feel anything except for the ache in her muscles that soaked through to her core._

_"No. No no no no no, you can't do this to me. Don't you dare die on me!"_

_Toshiro's hands flew over her body, ripping her clothes open where she'd been struck earlier. Her eyes closed as a familiar warmth pushed into her skin. He was trying to save her._

_Her eyes closed as she tried to move, tried to speak, tried to tell him not to waste his energy. He needed to save his strength to fight the enemies who would no doubt surround them any moment now. There was no point in trying to save her. She didn't have any time left._

_Suddenly, everything around her turned fuzzy and she found that she was able to see the scene before her despite her eyes being closed. Toshiro was above her, desperately pushing healing chakra into her body even as tears streamed down his face._

_The chakra stopped soaking into her skin as she felt herself separate from her body. Toshiro watched as the chakra pushed back into his own hands and then suddenly he was screaming, his body hunched over and gripping at the fabric of her shirt._

_She smiled sadly as the scene in front of her slowly grew distant. She was happy that she had the chance to see him one more time before she died, but it would have been nice to spend a little more time together..._

*****

Sakura woke suddenly, jolting up in her bed as a broken sob burst free from her lips. Her eyes darted around frantically as she tried to get her bearings, tried to figure out if she was in the past or the present. Her eyes finally landed on a picture of Team 7 that she kept on her windowsill, and the image was enough to let her know that she was in her room.

She curled into herself as the pain in her side and neck grew stronger. It felt as if she'd been ripped open in this life as well, and she found herself unable to stop the sobs that wracked her body. She would never be able to get used to this. No matter how many times she had the same dream, it always hurt as if she'd experienced those moments leading up to death all over again.

Sakura pulled her legs up to her chest, pressing her forehead onto her knees as her entire body trembled. Her nerves felt as if they were all standing on end and every muscle in her body ached desperately. 

Images of the dream flashed through her mind, her heart pounding as she went through the same images she saw every time. She was running through the forest, she was fighting for her life, she was sliding down the tree in her last moment. And then, images of an unknown man flooded her vision and she felt her breath stop.

Why had she never seen him before? Why had she suddenly been able to see that moment? Why did that scene seem to hurt more than any of the physical injuries that she could feel on her skin? 

Was this her punishment for falling for someone who she wasn't destined to be with? 

Sakura tried to shove the thoughts away as she began sobbing again. Her body fell onto the bed and she curled into a ball, shivering from the sweat that was coating her skin. The pain was almost unbearable, and yet the overwhelming sense of guilt that rose up and coursed through her was even worse.

*****

In Sakura's past life, she had regretted so much at the very end.

It had been a month since her dreams had revealed more of her last moments, and she'd been dreaming almost every night ever since then. It had taken Sakura a while to get used to, especially considering that she had only dreamed about once a month before. And while the physical effects on her body were as draining as always, her curiosity had started to overpower the exhaustion that had settled into her bones. 

It wasn't normal for the dreams to ever change, and the only theory that made sense about why it had suddenly revealed more information and become more frequent was that she was supposed to be learning something from the mistakes of her past life. It had taken a while for her to shake off her normal reaction of trying to forget the feelings from the dream when she woke up, but once she'd managed to power through the pain, she'd come to realize something very important that she knew was the reason behind the changes.

In her past life, she'd been in love with Toshiro.

It made sense that her past life had only revealed these pieces of information after she'd admitted to herself that she'd fallen for Kakashi, as if her past life was telling her to stop being so afraid of taking the chances she'd been too afraid to take back then. Her past life had died regretting never telling Toshiro about her feelings, and Sakura felt that regret seep into her body every night until it was almost too much to bear.

The only way for Sakura to no longer feel that regret every day was for her to learn from her past life's mistakes. She had to let Kakashi know how she felt. 

Which was why she found herself in her current position, sneaking into the Hokage residence with two bowls of ramen from Ichiraku's with specially made heart-shaped fish cakes to help get the message across if her courage failed her. One way or another, she was determined to let him know about her feelings.

She'd gotten word from Yamato that Kakashi hadn't eaten anything but onigiri in days because he'd been swamped with work when a foreign diplomat had decided to show up without prior notice. When she'd offered to stop by his home with food, Yamato had given her a convenient time frame where the ANBU guard (Yamato) would just so happen to be missing so that she could sneak in. 

Sakura stepped inside of the residence, closing the door behind her and placing the bag of food onto the floor using all of her ninja stealth to remain silent. She had masked her chakra signature all the way from the other side of the village just to make sure that Kakashi would be surprised.

She leaned down, preparing to take her shoes off just as she heard a door to her left click open. The room suddenly grew warmer as Kakashi stepped out of the bathroom, the steam from what seemed like his shower flowing into the room from behind him. 

Sakura froze where she was and glanced up from the floor, her eyes landing on the same navy sweatpants she always saw him wear, slowly drifting upward until she realized that he wasn't wearing a shirt. She fought to keep the blush from her cheeks as she watched a bead of water roll down his abs, sliding over the curves of his muscles until it reached the band of his pants where it soaked into the fabric immediately. 

Sakura forced herself to look away from that particular area, her eyes running back up across his broad and well defined chest until she realized that he wasn't wearing his usual mask either. She felt her heart drop and her breath stop as she stared, but not at the face she'd wanted to see for so many years. No, she barely even noticed that his face was revealed. She was far too busy staring at his neck - his neck, which had a long and dark soul mark stretching across the side until it tapered off at his jaw. 

His neck, which bore the soul mark of the wound she'd felt being sliced into her throat nearly every night for the last month, the wound she'd been dreaming about ever since she turned thirteen. 

Sakura watched as his neck and jaw moved as if he were about to speak and before she realized it, she had darted out of the residence and jumped onto the rooftops. 

She ran. She ran hard and fast, as far as she could run without leaving the village. And then when she reached the border, she turned and ran alongside it to get even further away.

She had spent so many years looking for her soulmate, and Kakashi had not only known who it was the entire time and kept it from her, but he had actually been it. For two years, she had been falling harder and harder for him and the entire time, he had _known_. Yet he had never said anything. 

He knew how badly her dreams affected her. She'd woken up screaming in his arms more times than she could even count. Did he not care that being in a relationship with her, one that she'd wanted for what felt like ages, could have stopped both of their dreams? Or... did he just not want her in the same way she wanted him? 

That thought made her stop in her tracks, her breath coming in harsh pants until she realized that she'd made it all the way to training ground three. Kakashi _had_ said that he didn't want his fate to be decided for him. Was he so determined to find someone on his own that he refused to look at her as a potential romantic partner? Or had he considered it and decided that he just didn't want her? Had she been rejected before she could even tell him about her feelings?

Sakura screamed, pounding her fist into the ground and watching as the dirt flew into the air in large chunks. It wasn't enough. She threw her fists at the ground, forcing every ounce of chakra into it over and over and over again until her body had exhausted itself. When she finally looked up, the training ground was almost completely covered in dirt and rocks except for the three posts where team seven had once been tied up. 

Training ground three, where she had first realized that Kakashi was someone she could trust and rely on.

Sakura felt another scream begin to rise in her throat, and blinked in surprise when it came out as a broken sob instead. For a split second she began to question it, but the physical exhaustion from using so much chakra and dreaming every night quickly caught up to her, causing every thought to leave her mind as she fell to the ground, tears streaming down her face. Thoughts no longer mattered to her; the only thing that registered was the sound of her sobs as she laid down in the small crater she'd created, exhausted and broken.

*****

Several weeks had passed, and Sakura hadn't seen Kakashi even once. She'd been sending someone else to take care of the hospital budget details ever since she'd snuck into his home, and had avoided going anywhere except for her apartment and the hospital.

Most people would have been ecstatic to finally meet their soulmate, especially if it was someone they already knew and explicitly trusted. It meant that they could finally love the person they were destined to be with, and it meant that the dreams would finally stop. She, however, had immediately run away, destroyed the better half of a training ground, and sobbed until she fell asleep right there in the dirt.

Before that night, Sakura had spent over a year mentally preparing herself to experience death in her dreams for the rest of her life. It had taken an unbelievable amount of courage to finally allow herself to pull away from the comfortable hope of one day meeting her soulmate, and even more courage to allow herself to fall headfirst for someone who she'd been almost completely sure wasn't her soulmate. 

To find out after all this time that Kakashi had been her soulmate all along, that he'd _known_ all along and hadn't told her, was frustrating to say the least. It felt like she'd been slapped across the face with her own feelings, as if they no longer mattered because she had fallen in love with her soulmate. In the grand scheme of things, it was something that was supposed to happen anyway, and it almost made her feel as if her love for him was inconsequential. She had thought that her feelings were more special than the fate that everyone had a chance of experiencing. She had thought wrong.

After mulling over the same thoughts over and over, Sakura had finally gotten tired of thinking about it and had started looking over a report on the budget requests in her office. She specifically ignored the note to "stop being a baby already" that Ino had left in the corner, and tried even harder to ignore the way her heart clenched at the sight of Kakashi's familiar handwriting. 

Eventually, Sakura fell asleep in her office while she was catching up on paperwork. She didn't dream this time, but lately the dreams had become far more realistic than they had ever been before. She constantly felt drained, as if the dreams were sapping every ounce of energy from her body and using it to make the pain feel more intense. Falling asleep at her desk was something that she expected to happen eventually. 

What she never expected, however, was that someone would be in her office when she woke up.

Sakura wasn't sure why she'd woken up at first. She cracked one eye open, and the first thing she noticed was that her office was now dark. It had been early evening when she'd fallen asleep, but the sky outside her window was nearly pitch black except for the faint light of the stars. She must have been asleep for hours.

Sakura yawned and sat back in her chair, stretching her arms above her head to work out the kinks in her shoulders. Her eyes fell shut again and she rolled her head from one side to the other until her neck cracked. She paused as a familiar tingle ran down her spine. Someone was watching her, but she couldn't tell where they were. 

After running through her options in her mind, Sakura realized there would be no point in pretending to go back to sleep. Whoever was watching her had noticed that she was awake for sure; she had to go along with it. She sighed audibly and dropped one arm to her side to reach for the kunai hidden under the arm of her chair. Her other hand rubbed at her neck as she forced out another yawn, playing up the charade of slowly waking up as well as she could.

Sakura cracked one of her eyes open just enough that she could see the fuzzy outline of someone standing in front of her desk through her eyelashes. She forced herself not to panic at their close proximity and took a deep breath that she disguised as the beginning of another yawn before leaping into action. 

She threw the kunai at the person standing in front of her desk and quickly darted beneath it in case they retaliated. For a moment, she worried that maybe the person in front of her desk had been a friend and not a foe, but none of her friends or employees would have just stood in front of her desk staring at her. They would have woken her up or just burst into the room while screaming.

"Sakura..." Immediately, she froze. She would have recognized that voice anywhere. 

After taking a deep, shaky breath, Sakura crawled out from under the desk and slid back into her chair. Kakashi was standing there calmly, his fingers playing with the kunai she'd thrown at him. He had his mask tugged down to the bottom of his neck, and Sakura felt her eyes dart down to the mark against her will. It was still there, curving along the side of his neck and tapering off at his jaw. It was dark and violent, just like her dreams.

Kakashi stepped closer and leaned his arms on the desk, lowering his body until his eyes were leveled with hers. Sakura tried to look away, but she found herself captured by those grey eyes that she'd come to love so much. The weight of his gaze seemed to pierce right through her, as if he could see everything that she'd been struggling with for the last several weeks.

"Sakura, why have you been avoiding me?"

As if her body was responding on instinct, her breath caught in her throat as all of the emotions she felt toward Kakashi rose to the surface all at once. She squashed them down as fast as she could, but she couldn't stop the tears that began spilling down her cheeks. 

Her first reaction, the one that poured straight from her soul, was the bubbling excitement at the fact that she could finally see him again, but there was a nagging voice in the back of her mind whispering that maybe he'd come to officially reject her. The thought of that happening was enough to send her emotions crashing down until she felt like she was drowning, and the only thing that kept her head afloat was the anger that he'd never told her that still boiled beneath the surface. Her emotions were being thrown in so many different directions that after a few moments, the only thing she could directly recognize was the feeling of being completely and utterly overwhelmed. Every emotion mixed inside of her until she could barely understand anything but the sound of her own breath.

"Why did you run away from me that night?"

Sakura's attention was pulled back to the man standing in front of her. His voice and his eyes were as calm as ever, but his lips were set in a hard line that she would have never noticed before. There was enough tension in those lips to let her know that he was taking this - whatever _this_ actually was - seriously.

"You never told me," Sakura whispered, hating how broken her voice sounded. "You've known about the mark on my shoulder ever since the first chuunin exams when I stopped wearing sleeves. You've known that the mark on your neck was exactly what my soul mark would be ever since you woke me up from the dream after we helped rescue Gaara. It's been eight years since you knew for certain, Kakashi, but you never told me."

Kakashi didn't say anything. Sakura watched him, noting the way his eyes glazed over before they shifted to the floor and the way his lips twitched as if she’d struck a nerve. She waited for what felt like forever as the tension grew inside of her until she finally looked away, noticing for the first time that her fingers had started digging into the wood of her desk hard enough for it to begin to crack. She pulled her hands away before she could damage things any further and placed them on her knees.

Kakashi had known about their connection for _years_ and yet he’d never said anything. Her dreams could have ended. She wouldn’t have had to feel guilty over her feelings for him when she thought she’d been betraying her soulmate. They could have been together by now - they could have been _happy_. 

Sakura felt her frustration grow as she scowled, forcing the tears that had been falling silently to stop. Her hands had clenched into tight fists on her knees but she barely paid it any attention. Then, just as she was starting to think that Kakashi was never going to reply, she heard him take a deep breath.

"You were sixteen when I found out, Sakura."

Sakura let her eyes glance back up toward his face. There was something hidden in his expression that made her think that maybe that wasn't the only reason he hadn't said anything. Maybe she'd been right; maybe he really did have no interest in her romantically. 

"Yeah? Well, I'm twenty-four now. I've been an adult for quite some time, Kakashi," Sakura snapped, her eyes narrowing as the anger that'd been bubbling beneath the surface began to quietly rise. "Look, if you're going to reject me, can you at least do it quickly? I have some paperwork I'd like to finish and-"

"I was scared." Sakura blinked in surprise, and for a moment wondered if she'd imagined what she'd just heard. Hatake Kakashi, one of the most feared ninja to exist in this era, maybe ever, admitting to being scared? "There's so much that you don't understand."

The air in the room shifted into something heavy, bringing Sakura's anger down with the mood. She watched as Kakashi pushed his face into his hands, running his fingers through his hair and tugging at the silver strands. There was something about him that was just so... broken. Maybe it was his posture, maybe it was the defeated tone to his voice. Sakura couldn't pinpoint what it was, but his entire being seemed to be drowning in the heaviness of the atmosphere as if it was all-consuming. 

"Kiyoko," Kakashi whispered. Something inside of Sakura stirred in recognition, but she couldn't quite figure out why. Then Kakashi lifted his face and smiled at her, but it was a sad smile that made her heart throb painfully. "That was your name in your last life. Kiyoko."

The world around her suddenly spun, as if that one tiny piece of information suddenly tilted the earth on its axis. She tried to respond, tried to think of anything to say, but all she could do was stare at him with her mouth gaping open as her eyes flew across the face of the man that she knew so well and yet knew so little about.

"I guess you never heard the name of your last life in your dreams, but I did... My dreams always began with holding Kiyoko in my arms, screaming her name over and over as she died." Kakashi laughed then, but there was no humor to it. "There was so much blood, Sakura. The ground was coated in it."

Suddenly, flashes of the man she'd known immediately in her dreams ran through her mind. Sakura had watched as he’d run toward her, as he’d tried to heal her fading body, as he’d held her in his arms and screamed while she slowly lifted from her body. 

"Toshiro..."

Kakashi fell back into the chair directly across from her, leaning his head back and watching the ceiling with a far-off expression. "In my last life I’d loved Kiyoko, but my biggest regret had been not being able to protect her. Before I died, I made one promise to myself that if I managed to meet her again, I would protect her with my life. So when I finally realized that the mark on my neck was the same as the wound I saw in my dreams, I told myself that I would do everything I could to keep her alive this time. I told myself that even if I fell in love with her, that protecting her would always be my priority."

Sakura let the words roll around in her mind, and then suddenly the anger that had simmered down began to rise once again, escaping from her lips in a scoff. Since he was making a point to say that protecting her was all that really mattered, he must have come here to reject her after all. 

"Great, well, I'm definitely alive and I'm not dying any time soon unless the village is attacked or I fall down the stairs and break my neck or something. You've made it clear that you want to be with someone who isn't your soulmate because you just want to keep me safe, so please let me get back to my paperwork."

"Sakura, I-"

"No, Kakashi," Sakura growled, fighting back a hiss as she felt her fingernails dig into her palms hard enough to draw blood. "I know you’re just here to reject me and I don't want to hear any more explanations as to why. Just... Forget about the heart-shaped fish cakes, and I'll try to move on as well. I was prepared to deal with the dreams for the rest of my life before I knew you were my soulmate, so I don't see why that should be an issue now."

"I'm not here to reject you, Sakura."

Sakura couldn't help the laughter that burst free, as if the aching in her chest had expanded outward into a sound she couldn't control. She felt his eyes narrow before they actually did, and her laughter hitched in her throat and then stopped altogether. The realization that they were actually so closely connected that she knew what he was going to do before it happened just made everything hurt so much more.

"I admit that at first, keeping you safe was my only priority and I wanted to be with someone I chose on my own. But some time after the war ended, I found myself thinking that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to open myself to the possibility of loving my soulmate on my own."

Sakura froze, her eyes narrowing in Kakashi's direction as the anger and frustration began to once again quiet down in the face of her curiosity. Her fist unclenched itself and immediately she felt her skin begin to repair itself. The soft tingles of her healing chakra helped to calm her down even further until she was able to think long enough to ask, "What are you trying to say?"

Kakashi sighed, his expression remaining carefully calm as he seemingly thought over his words and rubbed the back of his neck. It was one of his very few nervous habits, and it was something that Sakura had picked up on over the years that they'd become closer.

"Look, Sakura. I'm old and I'm broken. I failed to protect you in our past lives and I've managed to hurt you in this life as well. I'm not hoping for anything, and I don't want to tie you down with my feelings because of some supposed fate that we don't have a say in. I just hope that you'll allow me to stay by your side, even if it's as a friend."

In that moment, he really did look as broken as he claimed to be. Sakura let his words sink into her skin as she watched him, taking in the face that she hadn't given herself a real chance to look at before. She specifically ignored the mark on his neck and let her eyes study his nose which was slightly off center from what looked like a break that was never set properly. She observed the strong cheekbones and jawline until her eyes found their way to his lips where a small beauty mark sat beneath them. Kakashi's tongue darted out to wet his lips nervously, and she found herself smiling a little.

Sakura opened her mouth to reply, her eyes glancing upward until they locked with his, and she immediately felt the words die in her throat. His face was so stubbornly calm, but there was something hidden in his eyes that caught her breath. She had seen that look before. She'd seen that intensity in the forest two years ago, and in the restaurant when Naruto and Sai had belittled her over the mark on her shoulder. She remembered faint versions of it from every time their eyes had locked while pouring over paperwork or sipping tea in his office, but she remembered it the most from the time when he'd asked her if she was interested in someone. Sakura let herself think over those moments as she kept her gaze locked with Kakashi's until something suddenly clicked. She tilted her head to the side as a grin spread itself over her lips until she felt herself smiling in a way that she hadn’t smiled in weeks.

"So, what you're saying is that you love me?"

Kakashi's lips tugged downward ever so slightly as he tried to keep his calm facade until he finally looked away. Immediately, Sakura knew she'd hit the nail on the head. She thought back on his words, still wondering why he hadn't told her before. He'd had that expression in his eyes for years, since before she had even thought of him as a potential romantic interest. It must have been hard to stay as close as they were without revealing his feelings or the link they shared.

Maybe he had never told her because he felt guilty about what had happened in their past lives. Maybe because of that, he'd thought that he didn't deserve happiness, or that she would never reciprocate his feelings. Maybe it was none of those reasons. Maybe it was all of them and more. At this point, the only thing Sakura was sure of was her feelings for him, and she was slowly becoming sure of the fact that he shared the same feelings for her.

"Kakashi, look at me. Please," Sakura whispered, knowing that no matter how low her voice was he would hear her. She watched his lips press together as he turned to face her again, but he kept his eyes fixed on her shoulder as if he was determined to not look at her face. Maybe he was afraid of the expression he'd find there.

Sakura sighed, knowing that there was only one way that she would be able to truly solve this. She stood up and quickly leaned across the desk, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him up from the chair before he had a chance to move away. There was a split second that seemed to stretch forever as she watched his eyes widen in surprise before she closed her own and leaned forward, pressing her lips against his.

Kakashi didn't respond at first, as if he'd been stunned into immobility and in that moment, Sakura wondered if maybe she had read all of the signals wrong. He hadn't actually said it, and there was still a chance that she'd misunderstood and he _had_ said--

Before her thoughts could spiral any further down, there was a slight movement in front of her and then suddenly his fingers were resting against her cheeks as he cradled her face in his hands. And then his lips responded, and Sakura felt every emotion she'd felt over the last two years suddenly rise in her chest and spill forth. She kissed him harder, pouring everything she felt into that one kiss as her body automatically climbed onto her desk to get even just an inch closer to him. The world was spinning in a blur, and yet the feel of Kakashi's lips and fingers were so blindingly clear, as if her body was trying to tell her that that was the only thing she needed to understand in this moment.

Slowly, Kakashi pulled back just enough to rest their foreheads together, and this time when their eyes locked it felt like magic. Every emotion he was feeling in that moment was there, laid bare for her and Sakura read it all as if it was completely natural. She shivered as a tingle ran down her spine and briefly wondered if this was how everyone felt with their soulmate.

_Soulmate..._

Sakura let the word roll around in her thoughts and as she watched Kakashi, she knew that this was the man she was meant to be with. Even if he hadn't been destined to be her soulmate by the fates, she knew that she would have come to love him no matter what. He wasn't her soulmate just because he bore the mark of her death on his neck - he was her soulmate simply because he was Kakashi.

Maybe they had become soulmates in this life because of the wishes of their past selves. Kiyoko had loved Toshiro so much, and had spent her last moment wishing for more time. Maybe that was the reason Sakura had been born as Kakashi’s soulmate - the love between Kiyoko and Toshiro had been strong enough to transcend the limits of life and death. Their love had been enough to give them another chance at fate.

*****

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks as always to TipsyRaconteur, k_waifu, and cosipotente for helping me make this into something I don't hate. <3  
> I hope you guys enjoyed reading this. ♥ I have several fics plotted in this world for different pairings (some canon, some not) so I'll hopefully get to work on them soon, as well as a follow up story to this one.
> 
> Also I've finally started figuring out how to use Tumblr. [This](https://nyxako-writing.tumblr.com/) is the link to my writing tumblr, and [this](http://nyxako.tumblr.com) is my personal tumblr, though I don't actually post a lot of Naruto related stuff. ^^;;


End file.
